she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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