It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
