At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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