What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
