i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
