Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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