I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
