Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
