I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
