He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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