I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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