One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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