Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
