dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
