On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
