apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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