So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
