Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
And then he peed in my hair
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