oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
