I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
