In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
