We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
