Just cropdusted the office
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
