Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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