My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
