I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
