We're facebook friends in real life
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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