Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
