really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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