My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
