I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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