These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
