You really coming over, don't trick.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
