If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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