I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
