girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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