he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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