my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize