He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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