I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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