I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
