I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We are two peas in an std pod
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
