I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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