there was a trapeze. enough said
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
