I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
