i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
