I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
