i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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