What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize