I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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