Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
