Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize