evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I intend to get homeless drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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