Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
