I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
