Soap is not a condiment
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Of course I have a pirate flag
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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