soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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