rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
