THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
