At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm gonna fight the coyote
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
