We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
