I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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