great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
