so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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