when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
