Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize