hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
