She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
