She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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