whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
