This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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