I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
