At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
