i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just gargled with NyQuil
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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