Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
