so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
