so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
