Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just pee around me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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