in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
