i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
