pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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