shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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