hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
