I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
