Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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