Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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