Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
