Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
