Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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