what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
