i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
