take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
