Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
