So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just want to make out with him forever
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
