took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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