So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
