I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
