Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
nutella sex= disaster
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
