Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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