i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
